A Dad's Journey Through International Adoption: Now we're getting anxious

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Now we're getting anxious

Sunday, November 11, 2007

This upcoming week is really the earliest we could get our call about a court date and as such we're moving into a more anxious time. It would still be a major surprise to get the call this week since extrapolating out the timing of the first few families trip ones versus their court dates would place ours in that last week in November or the first week in December. But it's just impossible to maintain a completely logical expectation when you've been in the adoption process for 18 months.

Through an unnamed source we were able to get some more pictures of our little guy (don't bother asking "how" I'm not going to elaborate). It was great to see him and he looks like he's having fun and is doing very well and (to some extent) makes the long duration worth it. Of course every parent feels their kid is "the best kid in all of the Russias" and that's as it should be. But we are just so happy that our little guy is so healthy and seems on tract developmentally (given the institution circumstances) both emotionally and physically.

I think I mentioned this story before but it bears repeating. Just prior to our first trip we watched the video of our friends first visit to their son (they adopted back in 2005). In that very first meeting their son just cried like a banshee for a good fifteen minutes. It didn't matter who held him, mom, dad, their coordinator, the orphanage director (all of whom were trying to sooth him by speaking Russian). Nothing worked, he just kept crying. It wasn't until they brought back into the room "his special caregiver" that he calmed down.

It was a bit scary to watch, but what it showed was actually an extremely good thing.

It showed that he had bonded with a unique caregiver. It showed that he was not subject to the "mommy roulette" response (that anyone willing to comfort him was okay) and that instead he required his caregiver. It was a great eye opener for us because it really helped us to graphically see what happens if your kid goes ballistic for that very first meeting, and that it is not just okay but in fact, ideal (exhibiting some valuable developmental responses).

When we saw our guy for the very first time he did freak out and was just so scared that he really closed up a bit. And it wasn't until a good half hour later that he began to accept us as people he didn't have to fear. That day and the next three days we saw him we were able to get closer and closer to him emotionally and each day we saw that he was getting more comfortable with us. Interestingly enough, however, each day those first few minutes (it became shorter each day) he was still a bit apprehensive and it took a good deal of cooing and cuddling (with a lot of skin to skin contact) to make him feel okay.

So for those still dreaming of that first visit where your soon-to-be child comes running into your arms with smiles and kisses take note that a crying baby is a emotionally healthy baby and one that will (with your help) continue on the developmental path and grow to a healthy and happy person. It's hard to accept and feel good about it, but be glad if your kid is a bit scared of you at first, it means something right is going on in their little heads...and that's a very good thing.

posted by Steveg @ 10:38 AM

1 Comments:

At 6:25 AM, Debi said…

good advice...and so very true...we had no crying issues with our son, he was not guarded or shy and did not cry...he is however a very happy and well adjusted little boy...things work out..your time is coming!! It is very exciting..

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Our Story:

I'm Steve and this is my wife Stefanie. This is our story, mostly seen through my eyes, of the journey to create our family by adopting a child from Russia.

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