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Second Guessing
Friday, October 19, 2007
One of the tougher things during the this whole process is the second guessing you invariably do (on just about every decision you have made). Sometimes though it's good because it allows you to revisit a decision that made need a change. I know a lot of folks currently in the adoption process are thinking about that early but very big decision of picking an agency (those who are currently with an unaccredited agency). And with the seemingly endless delay in the next batch of accreditations, it's only natural to start wondering if it's time to switch agencies. Although fairly easy to do it is, unfortunately, a major change that means (in most cases) starting completely over and that means redoing a ton of the paperwork you've already amassed (and it can be an expensive proposition to boot).

However, and this is really my point on second guessing yourself, you have to go with your gut. If you feel it's the right thing to do, then you must really believe and know that it is. And certainly the accredited agencies are moving along quite rapidly right now. Of course each situation is different and merely switching agencies doesn't guarantee you're going to fly through the rest of the way. Referrals for girls are harder to get, siblings are harder to get, two children are harder, two girls are really really really hard (as one of our blog friends can certainly attest). So you need to determine what is best for you and go with your feelings. The decision you make is going to be the right one.

I will say, as strongly as I can, that if you are just starting out in the process you should (unless you have an extremely good reason) select only from the agencies that are accredited. The accreditation process is now so difficult to meander through that it is extremely unwise in my opinion to sign up with a non-accredited agency. There are folks who have been with their agency since their accreditation lapsed, in some case since May 2006, and are still waiting. And there are plenty of agencies that are accredited to choose from, so it's not like you are overly limiting yourself.

But whatever decisions you make on any of the number of choices you have during this process, you will find that in retrospect the ones you made are almost always the right ones. The reason I say this is that ultimately you find yourself face to face with a little person that makes you realize each call you made was the right one. I think back now and say to myself "Boy, I'm sure glad we decided not to increase our age range desire otherwise we never would have met Little A" and "I'm sure glad we decided to switch regions otherwise we never would have met Little A" and "Boy, I'm sure glad...otherwise we never would have met Little A". Really, it's like every decision we made is now a perfect one because without doing it exactly the way we have done it, we never would have had the possibility to meet our son.
posted by Steveg @ 8:56 AM  
  • At 3:32 PM, Blogger Dede said…

    If you read my recent post on this subject then you know how I feel about it. I feel that is was certainly the right decision for us!

  • At 12:32 PM, Blogger Steveg said…

    Yep, you're post was actually what prompted me to speak up. The key is the you just have to know that whatever decisions you make ARE the right ones.

    And I personally feel you guys did make the right call at this point. There were just too many negative things going on with CHI in the past few weeks.

  • At 7:15 PM, Blogger Susan & Randy said…

    I can't get into details right now but all I can say is AMEN. As they say, "Breaking up is hard to do" but sometimes its what you need to do.

  • At 7:33 PM, Blogger Tricia said…

    Hmmm, yep I can relate to this one.

    I think the reason I have second guessed is because I've been sharing our process pretty openly on the blog and in real life. So I am getting feedback from others, and sometimes that feedback really plays with my head. Usually its from people who don't know us completely, or the ins/outs of international adoption.

    I always thought everyone accepted their first referral; and that's something we would do as well. I am learning and experiencing otherwise.

  • At 11:17 AM, Blogger Debbie said…

    I would completely agree. We really like our agency and I didn't want to change agency. Plus we were stuck financially. We hadn't paid all our fees yet but enough that we might not have gotten it back and that would have delayed us more than accreditation if we changed agencies. Obviously we made a totally different choice and changed countries.

    I also think Tricia made a good point. Too often I listen to what others have to say about things. I just need to remember that in the end it is our child that we are trying to bring home and it's our decisions that will get us there (as you said).
    Great Post!

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I'm Steve and this is my wife Stefanie. This is our story, mostly seen through my eyes, of the journey to create our family by adopting a child from Russia.

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