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The Importance of Being Earnest...er...Keeping a Positive Outlook
Sunday, June 25, 2006
The forums are great places to learn about adoption by hearing other's stories but it does appear that the slant on them is towards folks who are having major problems. I guess that's normal, I mean if everything is going fine you probably don't have anything to post about. Oh sure, some folks do post some good news which is nice to hear, but it's just a fact that the concept of forums is they're really a place for people to vent or ask for advice or seek support. And they do serve that purpose very well.

That being said, I think it's wise to find some people you know personally who are or have already done IA (international adoption). We're lucky in that we have two very close friends who just recently adopted. One couple returned home last November from Russia (C&T) with their very cute son C, while the other (G&K) just got back last week from Guatemala with their adorable son R. Both kids are just great and doing fantastic with no real problems, as in zero! Yes, there were the usually issues with the adoptions (some minor delays, blah blah blah), but the kids themselves are doing just fine. The only issues are just regular kid stuff. Stuff you would have with birth kids.

And that's my point. If you're going through the process, sometimes reading the forums is just like seeing one gloom and doom story after another. But having friends who have gone through it, you get a different slant. You hear the positive news and some nice stories of inspiration. And when I get too down reading the forums I just think of both our friends and just that seems to put a big smile on my face. And for those in the process who might get a little scared when reading the forums, just remember that the majority of adoptions do okay (if they didn't people wouldn't still be adopting). It is important to understand all the issues that may happen (think like the Boy Scouts and be prepared) but in my opinion, the odds are everything is probably going to work out just fine.
posted by Steveg @ 11:37 AM  
  • At 8:45 PM, Blogger Jenni said…

    Well said Steve! I used to get terrified reading some of the adoption forums as well as the books on attachment issues. While my husband and I do have some grief issues and minor attachment challenges with our kids, for the most part, they are doing pretty well. I guess the key is to be prepared for rough times, but don't read so much into every behavior that you prematurely diagnose your kids with a disorder they don't have. Be educated, but not pessimistic.

  • At 8:56 PM, Blogger Lauren&Marco said…

    Completely true! I hope we are all to busy loving and nurturing our children with no need for forums. For now, they are interesting while passing time.

  • At 8:42 AM, Blogger jeneflower said…

    We have friends that adopted two Russian boys that are the same age as our two oldest boys. They are great friends. Our friends had a really positive experience and their kids are great.

  • At 1:04 PM, Blogger Lauri said…

    well said.... the forums would scare the heck out of me while waiting. So much drama and rumors. I much rather read blogs than forums anyday


  • At 8:21 PM, Blogger Cristina W. said…

    When we were in the process, I was hooked to the forums. I'd check at least once a day, sometimes up to 5 times! Well, it did make me quite paranoid. But after a couple moments of panic, I decided that I knew in my heart that this was the path for me. And I accepted everything that could come with it, I put my faith in God (or karma, or the Universe, or Allah, or insert spiritual guide here) and things just went easier from there - I stopped reading the forums except to look for info on specific topics.

    I realize more and more everyday that adoption is in so many ways like a biological addition to one's family. We go through a different kind of pregnancy & labor but the self-doubt, the worry, the ups-downs are similar I think (minus any physical symptoms - although on more than one occasion I was so nervous I thought I'd be sick)

  • At 4:02 AM, Blogger kate said…

    Just found your blog. (Feel free to check out mine.)

    So glad someone else had that experience! I was beginning to think that my friends' kids were completely atypically easy-adjusters... It's always good to know what COULD happen, but I much prefer hearing what DID happen.


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I'm Steve and this is my wife Stefanie. This is our story, mostly seen through my eyes, of the journey to create our family by adopting a child from Russia.

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"The two greatest obstacles to democracy in the United States are, first, the widespread delusion among the poor that we have a democracy, and second, the chronic terror among the rich, lest we get it."

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